Cindy Stibbard, single mother of two, CEO and Founder of Divorce ReDefined, a professional boutique Decision & Divorce Coaching service, has been voted by Wealth Insider Magazine as one of the Top 10 Coaches to Watch for in 2022. Cindy is at the forefront of a movement to change the experience of divorce and help as many people as possible navigate the marital and family transition better.
If you could give your past self some advice, what would you tell yourself?
Do not rush into a relationship when you are young. Give yourself time to build yourself up independently of any partner. Define who you are on your own and make yourself into something sustainable before settling down to have a family. Individualize yourself from your partner and family and learn that a relationship or marriage does not complete you. You have to complete yourself before you commit to another person. I would also tell my younger self to become fully financially independent so that I never have to rely on anyone else financially, not a partner, a spouse or my parents. Independence is power.
What is your favourite thing about what you do in your career and why?
I am absolutely passionate about helping others. One of my top five personal values is making a difference in the lives of others, and through this work, I can live deeply into that value. I truly love helping others when they are going through difficult times in their marriage and relationships and empowering them to use it as an opportunity for positive change. There is so much growth and learning that can come from our darkest times, and sometimes, we need someone else to coach us and guide us to see that light.
Do you have a mantra or phrase you live by? What is it?
I have two: the first one is by Maya Angelou:
“When we know better, we do better.” I believe that the biggest mistakes made in the divorce process come from just not knowing. The more resources, education and better professionals we can put in front of those going through hard times will allow the family to make better choices, ultimately leading to better outcomes for the entire family – especially for the kids. The needs and best interests of the kids are always my primary focus.
The second one is deeply personal, and it was what helped me find the power in life and my marriage when I was in a profoundly unhappy and unfulfilled place. I had to make a huge decision about my marriage. A quote by an anonymous source inspires me every time I find myself in the face of fear and self-doubt. It is framed above my bed as a daily reminder of my true power, to trust myself and remind me that I am always bigger than any obstacle in my way:
“It’s impossible,” said pride.
“It’s risky,” said experience.
“It’s pointless,” said reason.
“Give it a try,” whispered the heart.
What is your number one priority when it comes to your career and daily work?
To continue to work on bettering myself. I honestly work on myself each and every day without fail. I have made it part of my daily routine to learn and educate myself about how I can show up better in this world as a leader, a parent, a co-parent, a partner, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a Coach to my clients and just a better human all around. This isn’t to say that I don’t make mistakes and have bad days, but when I do, I learn from them and make whatever change that needs to happen. Because of how we show up in this world, how we react, how we speak, write, behave, our choices – are all on US – no one else. I have the courage to be accountable for myself, take responsibility for my role in every aspect of my life, and own my story. All of that enables me to continue to show up as the best support and Coach I can be for my clients.